what does Jesus think of me?

It doesn’t matter which translation you use for Song of Solomon 4:7, this is the way Jesus sees us.

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (English standard)

I remember watching Topanga from the TV show “Boy Meets World.”  She was so cool, so hip, so pretty.  At eight years old, I decided that I wasn’t pretty like her, but I could try.  I changed the way I dressed and started parting my hair in the middle.  Shortly after this I decided I was fat, so I started sneaking diet pills and limiting my food intake.  I was very different than the girls at school, I was a size 4 and by 4th grade I had already hit puberty.  When the school nurse came to weigh and measure us, I ran.  How horrifying for all these 80 pound girls to find out I was 120 pounds.

I was often called “boy crazy”, and the boys mother’s did not like me.  Now a mother of three boys, I can imagine how they felt wanting to protect their sons.  I liked having “boyfriends,” it made me feel special, I wanted to marry each one of them.

For years I was sexually abused by a church friend.  The weird part about it was that his unrelenting obsession made me feel wanted.  I thought maybe I deserved it, maybe this was just a part of life.  It was a secret that I hid for many years.

In high school I felt more normal.  I was captain of the cheerleading squad, and continued to have “boyfriends” who acted interested in me, but let’s face it- they were hormone driven teenager boys- they did not share my dream of marriage.  I was nominated at cheer camp  for the All Star Cheerleader…it was a big deal for a cheerleader.  I didn’t make it, and I was devastated.

Self confidence was always a problem for me.  I don’t know why.  It just was.  I would read “Cosmopolitan” and dream of being tall with beautiful long legs and the perfect body- it did dawn on me one day that I was never going to be 5’10- I was just barely over 5 feet and that was not my body type, and never would be.

A November 2006 edition of Cosmopolitan, givin...

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When I met my husband, he swept me away in his love.  He made me feel safe, when he looked at me it was like no one else was in the room.  When he told me he loved me, I believed him.  His passion for Jesus was contagious.  I felt God’s love in his arms.  Our love story was like a fairy tale, shooting stars agreed in our declaration of love for one another.  I knew I found my soul mate.

I cried out to the Lord one day, I wanted to know how He saw me.  I was surrounded by people worshiping and asking the same thing.  When my family moved to Hawaii to attend YWAM (Youth with a Mission)- the Lord met me face to face.  I wanted to know my identity, I looked up and written on a girls book was “you are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you.”  My heart burned in His love, He considers me beautiful.  He sees no flaw in me.

What an amazing revelation, my heart felt free.  It was never about how I looked.  It was never about the empty relationships.  The abuse didn’t matter. What mattered is my identity in Christ.  Do I agree in this truth that He loves me and is fully pleased?  Often I try to fight this, to make myself believe it is fake.   The realization that I am the Bride of Christ.  He has always had intentions to marry me. From the beginning He was in love with me.  Joy wells inside of me as I write this, tears run down my face.  I am not inadequate.  I am full in His love.  There is peace in knowing He sees no flaw in me.

Throughout my life, I wanted someone to romance me.  To sweep me off my feet.  God is the greatest lover of all time.  His words are poetic.  His love is sweeter than honey.  I want to be equally yoked to Him.  I want to share in His lovesick nature for me.  I am so thankful that I do not need to struggle with imperfection.  But to rest in His steadfast jealous love.


9 thoughts on “what does Jesus think of me?

    • thank you sylvie 🙂 You know, I haven’t….but many people have recommended this book to me and maybe it is time to read it…

  1. That was incredible Dree! I in jr high tried to be Topanga too! lol. But she actually wasnt the worst of girls to try to be like, she belived in herself. Anyways, off the subject. What you said was so true and so powerful! I wish more young girls could grasp this in their pre teens! You have something here Dree!!!!
    FYI-I remember when you lost out on the All Star. You seemed strong on the outside, but I know it cut, you even talked to me about it, but knew it was deepeir. But I was proud of how you dealt with it. Didn’t make it easier. You should of in everyone book by the way. I always thought you were gorgous, smart, spunky, strong christian girl in high school. And whats better yet, you have exspanded to even greater heights on all of them!

    • I would agree with you that Topanga was somewhat of a good character to look up to, although the serious relationship with her boyfriend isn’t very realistic….lol, but it was a good show and I had a huge crush on the brother!
      Thank you for the encouragement, my heart breaks when I see young girls trying to fill the role of women. I believe that we must fight for their innocence, and to set good examples for them. I often worry that media, culture, and Hollywood gives them a false idea what beauty and success is….although I do long to have a little girl one day, I consider it a huge responsibility and a little scarier than having boys…
      Not making the All Star team was a humbling experience, but I was never good at jumps and tumbling…
      Thank you friend for your sweet words- you were always a great listener and encourager.

  2. Amazing! Thank you, I’m glad to know there are other women out there that have struggled with the same things I have. Brought me to tears. Praise God for His unfailing love!

    • I am so pleased to hear that you were wrecked by God’s unfailing love for you while reading this testimony. It is so important as women, to be open and honest- who knows that my past might help someone heal….blessings to you!

  3. Please pray for me! I’m 55 years old and still fight body image! Both my parents always pointed out how fat I was and that mu sister Judy was much prettier.They said I would never have a boyfriend because I was fat.I met and married the most wonderful man God could have have give me.He’s a christian now wasn’t when we married but is now praise God. I have been on 10,000 diets and have probably lost 3000 lbs and gained back 4.I even had gastric by-pass.I have gained back 60 lbs.People think this is a magic cure.I tell them they operated on my stomach not my brain! I’m so disgusted with myself that God allowed me have this surgery and came through it with flying colors.I’m in constant pain,I’ve had low back surgery,neck surgery,both knees replaced,have arthritis in my feet,hips,back and hands! My only friend is food and my only enemy is food! I only wish Jesus would come back and get his children and take us out of this old corrupt world and I will have a new body! No mor pain,sorrows,tears,death,Ohhhh want it be wonderful there! I’m currently seeing a therapist and she gave me homework to come back and tell her 10 things that God loves about me and I can’t find any! I know there’s probaqbly hundreds of reasons Jesus loves me but right now I’m to blind to see them! Oh well,please pray for me that I will let Jesus take the scales from eyes and see that I’m wonderfully made in his image.

    • Debby,

      I came across your post on this page purely because God wants me to encourage you with His truth and pray for you! I have never visited this website before today!

      Lord, I pray that you would break the lies that were spoken over Debby, the lies that she isn’t pretty or worthy of a husband. Open her heart, eyes, and mind to feel, hear, see and know what You say about her. That she is Your bride, Your beloved, Your beautiful one who is worth it all to You; that You are jealous for her. Father, I pray that Debby would be able to completely give herself to you and that she would have clear guidance from You in working through her issues with food and anything else that is holding her captive. I also break any hold that the enemy has over her life in Jesus’ name. Thank you for your mercy and grace and thank you for being worthy of our trust in every circumstance. In Jesus’ sweet name. Amen.

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